RAPPING with RIM

September, 2007

by David Aptaker

Movies, music, psychoanalysts, sports, architecture, and numerous references to popular culture all mingled with ideas from Jewish scholars during my morning conversation with Rim. We met over coffee and tea at a Star (of David) bucks. I arrived for our meeting uncharacteristically late, having been unable to locate a working tape recorder (despite living with scriptwriters and a musician / actor / magician). Consequently, any misrepresentations in this article are solely my fault (talk about plausible deniability).

I was curious to find out how our beloved rabbi manages to “keep it fresh.” How does he make a wedding, baby naming, or bar mitzvah celebration feel special after having performed so many? How does he make each Shabbat or High Holiday service feel special — week after week, year after year?

In true Talmudic style, Rim answered my first flurry of questions with a question. “Why should I keep it fresh and special?” What followed was a wonderful shared exploration of assumptions and passionate explanation of Rim’s approach to his profession. Rim is the consummate teacher. He is constantly open to learning and seeks feedback to see how his ideas have resonated with the listener. He has the ability to make one feel like a partner in a shared quest to understand.

Rim distinguishes his role in leading “life-cycle events” (i.e. b’nai mitzvah, weddings) from his role performing “prayer rituals” (Shabbat, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur). He does not try to make life-cycle events fresh and unique. The people celebrating the event do that. His role is to be an anchor, to provide experience so that the participants don’t lose the essence of the event in the excitement. The celebrants don’t need Rim to get lost in the frenzy or anxiety of the day. They need him to know the landmarks — to understand their emotion and to acknowledge it. He is aware of being the caretaker in the midst of their excitement.

Rim tends to focus on the people with whom he is dealing and on guiding them through the transition. It may be fresh and special for them, but they want to know that others have been through those doorways before. Our rabbi helps guide them and connect them with that greater whole.

Before presiding over a life-cycle event, Rim takes a private moment, places his tallit over his eyes, and asks God to help him be aware of the people involved and what they need from him, and to speak well for them. To be the guide for such a transitional moment, Rim does not think the people involved want their rabbi to get lost in trying to make it unique. The event is so special, the uniqueness is obvious. He is the anchor and the guide as the participants connect to the central feelings, emotion and spiritual moments of the celebration.

Rim distinguishes prayer rituals (High Holidays or Friday nights) by asserting that he wants to make those times feel fresh for himself. If he does not, the service won’t feel fresh for the congregation. Rim is acutely aware that his fellow worshippers approach each prayer ritual with varied energy levels. By opening his experience to them, he invites them to join together with one another and the shared experience. Rim believes that every Shabbat should feel special, because it is unique.

Our conversation was laced with teaching moments. While discussing Shabbat, Rim pointed out that Judaism is more concerned with time than with space or place. Since the destruction of the Temple, Jews have taken the center of our holiness and transformed it to the domain of time. He refers to Shabbat as “a cathedral in time.”

In the prayer ritual, Rim keeps things fresh by being aware of the architecture and the music of Judaism and the service. Like the performance of any great symphony, each time it is performed, the music is special. Rim is enthused by the notion that one way to keep the ritual fresh is to make changes, as appropriate, to meet the needs of the congregation.

The prayer rituals do stay fresh and special for Rim. He gushed, “I feel terrific every Friday night after services — without fail.” He also said, “I love Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Many years ago, when I was afraid for my job, I did not feel that way, but now I love Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah.”

Rim became energized as we talked. He exudes genuine joy in the one-to-one teaching moment. He brings the shared learning to an accessible level by quoting from popular films, references to modern Americana, classic humor, and personal experiences. I encourage others to take advantage of the opportunity to have a conversation with Rim and write about it for the newsletter. A word of advice: Check to make sure your tape recorder is working the night before your meeting.

—David Aptaker