B: What I find fascinating in Reform Judaism is this wonderful freedom to think very thoroughly about what traditions you wish to observe, which ones are meaningful to you. It creates a very diverse spectrum of individuals who have different points of views on controversial and non-controversial subjects and traditions. Do you think it sometimes creates tensions?

R: Yes, of course. I used to be a Conservative rabbi trained in the Jewish Theological Seminary and was a member of the Rabbinical Assembly. At one point around 1982, the Reform movement came up with the patrilineal descent decision, an egalitarian decision that says that the jewishness of the child is based upon how the parents raised the child Jewish or not, not whether one parent is Jewish or not. If children do not get a Jewish name, never go to religious school, never have a bar or bat mitzvah, whether you are a Jewish mother or father married to a non-Jew, the child is not Jewish. Children have to be raised jewishly. A bris is one of those important steps you could take. However, it’s not the only step and it does not invalidate the others if you don’t do it.

Here is a case where the Reform movement is taking a stricter stance than the Orthodox movement: Conservatives and the Orthodox disagree with patrilineal descent. They believe only the children of Jewish mothers are Jewish and that children of Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers are not Jewish. For them, you don’t have to be raised jewishly to be considered Jewish: the matrilineal descent is what matters in making one Jewish.

When I joined the Reform movement, I had to give up my membership in the rabbinical organization of the Conservative movement. I had to withdraw my pension fund money, give up my seniority, and write a letter of resignation. Because I agreed with the patrilineal decision, the Conservatives would have kicked me out.

R: I was raised in a small town where the Judaism in the synagogue was Conservative in a sort of default way. My parents didn’t keep kosher; they did not observe the Sabbath. I learned to do those things later. Along the way, I also saw the limits of Conservative Judaism.

When I was a graduating rabbinical student, there was a rite of passage called the senior sermon. We had to do this sermon in front of the whole faculty in the seminary synagogue. You got to choose the person who would introduce you. This was before there were female rabbis. I wanted this woman to introduce me; she was the widow of this rabbi that I loved. They wouldn’t let her do it and speak at the synagogue and I was furious about that.

Then I realized how rigid the Conservative philosophy was and that was not the way that I taught, lived, or helped people grow. So I got a job with the Reform movement, working for the Rashi School, which helped me put my career where my values were.

R: From my perspective of discussion, I’m considering circumcision that’s not a bris, which is done at the hospital before the eighth day, equal to no circumcision at all. They are both the same to me. I feel that people who have a circumcision without a bris are making a statement about their Judaism or about that ritual, but I’m not quite sure what it is. I sort of wish they would just go ahead and do it on the eighth day. There are mohels who are very competent physicians. You don’t have to have a big party. Circumcision does not have to be something dangerous. If you are going to circumcise your son, you might as well do the blessings and do it at right time. Nevertheless, there are a lot of people who do not have a bris but do have circumcision. I certainly understand all that: I accept people and never judge them. We also have people in the congregation who don’t circumcise their sons. Every once in a while I have a parent who says they did not circumcise their child and I say well, that’s fine. I don’t really consider it to be my business; it’s a very private decision that the parent has to grapple with. When this Jewish child grows into a man and goes out with a Jewish woman who expects him to be circumcised, and tells her he is not, then they will have to work this out together.

For me, from the standpoint of counseling and Jewish law, there is a concept called “after the fact,” bedeh avad, so that after the fact, if somebody is not circumcised, they are not circumcised. I am not going to pressure them or tell them it’s wrong. Before the fact, if the couple is still deciding and meeting with me for counsel on the subject, then I try to tell them that all their medical and ideological hesitancies, genital mutilation concerns, are things that I don’t really agree with. Jews have started wars over circumcision. It’s been the primary symbol of being a Jewish male. I’m not saying it’s the word of God but I think it’s sort of turning our back on the history of Jewish people.

There is a lot of mystical language about circumcision. Your child is born with all his toes and fingers and there you go and cut out a piece of his body. It’s a very bizarre, irrational, counter-intuitive act that you do because the people have been doing it for all these years.

R: I am much more sympathetic towards cremation than I used to be. Some Jews find it very meaningful. People move around a lot and the idea of picking a plot somewhere seems a little silly. Sometimes I joke with my kids that when I die, they should cremate me and carry some of my ashes on a chain around their necks. I’ve done a lot of funerals where the person was cremated. My advice to people is whether it’s a cremation or not, they should follow the Jewish rituals. One of the things with cremation is that it allows one to ignore the death in terms of ritual.

B: What is the Reform movement’s position on cremation?

R: I don’t think it is saying cremation is a good idea and I’m not saying that either. In the light of the Holocaust, it’s very hard for me or others to say “You know, it’s the preferred method.” Is it is a sin? No. Would I go along with it? Fine. Even if I’d like myself cremated, do I have the courage to say I want to be cremated and go against the burial ritual? No, I don’t.