Soap operas with salami and eggs. This was Rim’s lunch menu every day during elementary school when he would go to his Bubbie’s house across the street from the junior high in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. Julia Antokolitz, a “short, stocky, powerful” woman, in Rim’s words, read only Yiddish, “was very firm on what was correct and incorrect,” and was one of three amazingly important women in Rim’s life. Having lost his dad when he was 20, and his beloved rabbi who “brought him into Judaism” two years before, Rim was surrounded and raised by strong women who took care of him “deeply in totally living ways.” In thinking about our topic for this month’s rap, Rim asked to talk of these three women and his memories of their love, lessons, and lives. It is my honor to help Rim “rescue their voices from the past.”

Rim’s Bubbie was the epitome of “Jewish” and judged everything and everyone by whether or not they were Jewish. Rim explains, “She’d see two boxers, neither one clearly Jewish, and Bubbie would want to know, ‘Which one is Jewish?’” If you asked Bubbie what happened in 1917, she would note, “That’s when Hadassah was founded.” Living so near his mother’s mom, Rim was bathed in her worldview and her very strong sense of self. She was also clearly a character, to hear Rim tell the tale. While his grandfather the butcher studied Talmud, Bubbie took care of the shop. Bubbie (and everyone in town called her that), the butcher’s wife, dealt with her customers as if they were children needing a lesson with each order of meat. A customer ordered roast beef, and Bubbie sent salami. Rim, always inquisitive, asked why she sent salami. Bubbie replied matter-of-factly: “Because she deserves salami.” Rim never found out what happened when the customer got the salami instead of the roast beef. It was Bubbie’s side of the story that prevails in his memory. My guess is that Bubbie’s customers forgave her moralizing deliveries because they knew that she had a golden heart. During a trip to Israel for the first time in 1952, Bubbie brought with her a refrigerator for her cousin Shifra who had escaped the war to Tel Aviv. Shifra used the refrigerator to open a restaurant called "Café New York," but known by all as "Shifra’s Restaurant." After many weeks in Israel, Bubbie’s Pottsville family wondered when she would return. Her reply: “I’m having a great time; leave me alone. I’ll come home when I want.”

Rim’s mom was a complicated person, believing in duty to others above all else. Working hard in the family music store, despite never having a passion for music herself, Ida Meirowitz displayed a drive to work well, with grace and courage, never giving up. Rim identifies with his mom, and what may be surprising to all of us who know him as our rabbi, feels quite introverted at times. The balance between being there for others, yet needing time for oneself, is one that Rim is still struggling to figure out. While Mom was always working and being “of use,” Rim tries to take time to work on his own soul and to be comfortable doing so. Marge Piercy’s poem “To be of use” came to mind as Rim recounted his mom’s mode of being. The poem begins:

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

[To read the rest of the poem, google “Marge Piercy of use”]

Rim’s eyes twinkled as he was able to say that by the end of his mom’s life, she had come to think of her son as a “wise person.” It’s hard to imagine a bigger compliment and feeling of acceptance for a rabbi, son of a devoted and dutiful mom.

Of the three most important women in Rim’s youth, Bunnie (Weiss) Veeder was the youngest. Where Bubbie and Mom were tough, intense, and duty-bound, Bunnie “loved deeply and without a lot of resources.” The wife of his rabbi in Pottsville, Bunnie lost her husband Marvin when she was about 30 years old, and had a two-year-old daughter, Shira. As a widow and single mom, Bunnie ended up moving to New York, where she eventually remarried a second Marvin. During her time in New York, Bunnie welcomed Rim with open arms to her home in Queens while he studied at the Jewish Theological Seminary. Spending each Shabbat with Bunnie and her daughter, sleeping on a cot in her library office in their tiny apartment, Rim took part in her family’s life and gained strength from Bunnie’s great warmth and welcome. Having lost her second husband, Bunnie is undaunted and is currently studying for her doctorate in Bible at the Jewish Theological Seminary at the age of 72.

Each of these women serves in some way as a role model for Rim. Choosing some aspects of their characters that he would choose to emulate, and perhaps seeing others as modes to avoid, Rim is grateful for their presence in his life as he was growing and still today, in memory and in person. During this “first overt conversation about these women in his life,” Rim hopes to continue speaking about the voices, character, and actions of these three remarkable people. If you’re really curious, you can ask Rim about some of the many colorful anecdotes that he shared... conversations to be continued.